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This is where mine and Steves story begins, 9 long years ago, when I began to have very frequent and unusual sex dreams/fantasies about a faceless man, his enormous penis, and the things he did to my body while i was asleep. Steve and i were about a year into our marriage, still in the newlywed stage, and from the day of our wedding, to night of my first shocking dream, Steve was the only lover i had ever known, having remained a virgin until married. 10 years of marriage, 9 years of sharing my body with two men, my husband, and the faceless torturer that haunted my nights, and eventually he also stole my days. Steve never knew, i did not want to hurt him with thoughts of me desiring another man, i never wanted him to feel inadequit, as a lover or as a man. I never wanted these dreams, never wanted the fantasies, they just started one night, and never left. I hated myself for what was happening to me, feeling guilty and ashamed every day and night.None of it ever made any sense. ’ ‘I couldn’t break down. What would you have done?’ ‘Cried with you.’ He playfully punched me in the arm. ‘She means a lot to me, too.’ ‘I know.’ I paused, swallowing back fresh tears. ‘I just … three years, Lance!’ ‘I know, bro, but we’ve weathered worse things.’ He gave my shoulder a squeeze. ‘Can’t we wait for her?’ I nodded, starting to cry again, this time for the hope that I could still have Lacey. ‘Yes, Lance, we can wait.’ We started over that day. Lance and I sat down and decided on a plan of action. We wanted Lacey to be a part of our lives and we knew what we had to do. Lance concentrated on his studies and I focused on mine, bringing my grades up as well. My little brother graduated first and I whooped and hollered for him, amazed at the change two years had made. He was accepted to Princeton on a full scholarship and we tearfully parted, promising to call often and visit whenever I could get away. Still, Lacey was foremost in our minds as we went forward with our lives.
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